Humour Dose #1

Humour February 16th, 2007

A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…. then the reality of the situation hit him. “What the heck am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.


Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”


Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and whispered,” To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago.”


Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river — look, my suit’s still damp — ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes.”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss, obviously disappointed. “No woman can get ready in ten minutes.”


It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.

On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the damn store!”

Bomb alert!

General February 15th, 2007

The Malaysians are invading! The Malaysians are invading! Run for cover!

*bomb drop sounds* *Bomb explodes* *M16 shooting off*

Oh, it’s SCDF rehearsal…. πŸ˜›

Valentine’s Day Date

General February 14th, 2007

I had a date with my lecturer on Valentine’s Day – with the rest of the class! Heh heh… πŸ˜›

The class was particularly empty today. Haha… guess a great portion of our classmates are off celebrating with their SOs. People were also streaming slower than usual into the classroom, with a couple of them – not just girls, but guys as well, strolling in with bouquets of flowers. Haha.. of course I am assuming that the guys are going to present the flowers at a later time and the girls, the recipients.

The lecturer was pretty nice to let us know that he will release us much earlier… but as it turns out, we weren’t released till it was 1/2 hour before end of lesson, which, according to the lecturer, was much early instead of much earlier. Haha… good sense of humour. πŸ˜› Then again, much of his lecture got us into a mental whirlpool… wonder how many of us had the mood to celebrate after his lecture.

Valentine’s Day Dinner

General February 14th, 2007

Now, don’t be misconstrued. Valentine’s Day is not just meant for all the boy-girl couples. It is also a celebration of love for your family members and friends, so don’t let your thoughts be constrained by the perceptions of the commons’. Of course, if you love yourself a lot, then it’s perfectly fine to have V-Day dinner by yourself too. πŸ˜‰

Valentine’s Day dinner was a simple fare of Japanese food, and the dish of the day was unmistakably the Soft Shell Crab Ala Carte. Hehe. In fact, I think the Raffles City’s branch’s preparation is much better than the one at Paragon’s, where I have to bite really hard into the almost non-crispy carb and had to persistently request for additional servings of sauce.

The Salmon Maki is also a good appetizer. The servings at Sushi Tei is definitely more worth it than almost another convey belt operated sushi places. Despite it costing $2.20 instead of the usual $1.90 at most sushi places, the servings are fresher and jucier. πŸ™‚

The deep fried (doesn’t these 2 words make you feel guilty?) salmon skin is also worth a dime in your pocket. It’s crispy skin with the occasional fried salmon is sure to make you cry out loud for more. πŸ™‚ But it’s seasonal (depending on how many salmon they sell that day?), and it’s not on the menu, so you would have to ask the waiter if it’s on that day’s list.

Savour all these food with their fragrant green tea, which is guaranteed to leave you a mouthful of freshness! Not only does it quench your thirst well, it gets rid of any post-salvaging scent, if any, that’s left in your mouth. A cup or 2 of green tea would definitely prep you for a night long of deep passionate kiss.

If you have some space in your stomach to spare, perhaps you might like to try their gyoza, which is fried lightly and served with a mixture of vinegar and chilli sauce. Dipping the gyoza into the sauce before taking a bite on it is guaranteed to explode a firework of flavours into your mouth. Savour it with sips of green tea for maximum indulgence.

Amongst other food for the pure food connoisseur is the salmon fish head, the dragon makis, fried calamari rings, fried chicken skin and the sashimi, all of which are guaranteed to give you the best of experience at this fine dining but pocket-friendly restaurant.

And oh, do call for reservations for the inner cubicles for you to enjoy your dinner with your loved ones. πŸ™‚

Sushi Tei, Raffles City Level 3

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

General February 14th, 2007

Hehe… it’s the time of the year when:

  • It’s the guy’s worst nightmare
  • Where a single stalk of rose costs $12
  • Where a bunch of 11 roses cost $188
  • Where reservations at restaurants are all full (and even MacD may be full!)
  • Where you will see lovey dovey couples walking down the isle along Esplanade, against the setting sun in the sea
  • Where you will see entreprenuering business youngsters selling teddy bears at $10-$50
  • Where you will see singles walking either with a look that
    • is happy that they do not have to spend a fortune (especially guys, usually guys)
    • is sad because the Valentine that they hoped for didn’t turn up/couldn’t make it/doesn’t want to go out with them
  • Where you will see girls walking happily with a bouquet of small little flowers
    • which could have been bought by themselves

Yes! It’s Valentine’s Day! Woohoo! Here’s wishing everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! As for me, I have a date with my lecturer! Woohoo! Together with 39 other people in the lecture theatre… πŸ˜›

So, if I didn’t have late, late lessons, what would be my dream outing? Hmm…

  • Sitting by the isle along Esplanade would be nice
  • No fancy dinner, just a picnic mat with homemade or tabao’ed food would be nice
  • No need wine, just nice soya bean drink would be good
  • Flowers or teddy bears would be nice, but please, buy them before V-Day πŸ˜› It’s just not worth the commercialization
  • Nice breeze that won’t blow everything away would be good too

Hehe… come to think of it, this did happen before… except that it wasn’t on Valentine’s Day. πŸ˜› For those who are celebrate this heavily commercialised day, I hope you will enjoy your day! But most importantly, if you love someone, every day is Valentine’s Day. πŸ˜‰

What the? Part 2

General February 11th, 2007

Was logging in to MacD’s wireless network when the router redirected me to register with http://www.mobik.com. What the??? So I tried Starhub’s Wireless, which unfortunately is not free, and so I went back to MacD’s network and sold my soul phone number for internet access.

I have a bad feeling that I am going to get lots of phone spam soon. It’s no longer just the good ol’ login page at MacD’s; it’s probably going to be number-for-internet_access soon, that is, you have to give them (mobik?) your phone number so that they can eventually spam you (?) in order for you to surf the net for free.

There’s really no free lunch in thisΒ world. πŸ™

What the?

General February 11th, 2007

Was preparing to go out moments ago after washing up and waiting for my hair to dry up when Ch U news ran a short commentary on V-Day in Singapore.

It was all alright when I caught a glimpse of a couple kissing over national TV. No big deal. Then I saw 2 couples. Still no big deal. Then there were 3… 4… and a whole group!

Wow! Is it some mass stuff that’s going on? Then I realised that there is a whole stadium crowd of couples kissing, with some heart-ornament decorated stage in the background of the event on TV with some MC cheering on.

What the??? And I thought public display of affection is illegal in Singapore. But here we have 100s of couples smooching away on national TV??? Didn’t manage to catch any gay couples though. Hur hur. πŸ˜›

Was checking through my regular email when I realised that a friend of mind was advertising for his wife’s handmade jewellery for V day. This is quite fine, except that I once had a crush on him. Actually, this particular one is quite fuzzy, cos’ it came and went, so I am not even sure if it was a crush. Before I knew it, it was gone, and hence the validation process never got to take place.

Earlier in my uni days, I knew someone for almost 2 years, and before I knew it, he popped the question and I freaked out. Haha.. oh well, I guess I wasn’t really prepared for familyhood. πŸ˜›

But you know? For a moment in life, I dreamt of getting married and having kids and a place to call my own; with a golden retriever, terrier or some toy dogs. πŸ˜› It was a dream after all, and perhaps it will remain as one. Perhaps one day, I will be able to retreat peacefully into a nice town with someone I love, together with a stable job and cosy house. With the puppy running around the house or garden, of course, and no less. πŸ˜›

That would be a dream come true. πŸ™‚

ST: Time-share your Wi-Fi

General February 6th, 2007

STI Home > Digital Life > Internet > Story
Feb 6, 2007

ST: Time-share your Wi-Fi [PDF]
Wi-Fi sharing is a novel concept for users, but service providers are concerned about the possible loss of business, writes CHUA HIAN HOU
Β 
Think of it as a time-share scheme: buy a piece of property, rent it out, and get returns.

In this case, the investment is your home wireless broadband network.

Fon is a Wi-Fi-sharing community, and its members can ‘rent’ out their bandwidth. With a special wireless router that they buy from the Barcelona, Spain-based Fon, members can choose to rent out their wireless broadband network – or just as easily allow other community members to use it for free and, in turn, get free broadband when they themselves go overseas. (See How It Works)

To users, this can be cost heaven: Where they previously had no choice but to pay Internet service providers (ISPs) the monthly broadband bill, they can now recover some of the cost by re-selling their broadband to others.

Being part of the Fon network has allowed 32-year-old James Seng, who travels every other week for his work in ‘technology investment’, to save a bundle on Internet bills overseas, not to mention giving him access to Wi-Fi pretty much everywhere.

‘Like last month, when I visited Korea, I didn’t have to pay for Internet access at all, both in downtown Seoul and outside,’ he said.

While most commercially driven wireless hot spots, like Singapore’s Wireless@SG initiative, are set up in high-traffic hubs like shopping centres – to ensure there is sufficient usage to justify the investment – Fon takes a bottom-up approach. It brings together home Wi-Fi users – increase the customer base – so that there will be publicly accessible Wi-Fi networks even in less populated, and less commercially attractive, areas.

But many companies providing paid wireless access see Fon, which is backed by tech giants like Google and Skype, as an attack on their business. Worse, that it helps their customers become unauthorised resellers without the ISPs getting their rightful cut.

While Fon did not reply to Digital Life’s request for an interview by press time, its website has a list of countries and ISPs where it is approved, as well as those that explicitly ban it.

Singapore and the ISPs here are not on either list, but a StarHub spokesman said the company is in preliminary talks with Fon. SingTel spokesman Tricia Lee said the company was not in contact with Fon.

For now, this means that Fon users here are in violation of their ISP contract. StarHub customers, said the company’s spokesman Cassie Fong, ‘should not resell or otherwise provide the service to third parties whether or not for profit’.

Fon users like Mr Seng, a well-known local blogger, have a different take on the issue. The SingTel customer admitted that he knew he ‘was not supposed to do this, but it’s not like I’m making money out of it’ since he does not charge other Fon users for use of his network, he said.

Fon does not have an office here, or even ship its router to Singapore. But there are more than 20 Fon users here already. Thanks to Mr Seng, actually: He got 20 sets of the Fon wireless router – gratis – from a friend working in the company’s Hong Kong office last November.

Fon usually sells the router needed to set up its network for US$30 ($46), but sometimes gives them out for free.

Mr Seng, in turn, gave them out free to users here who asked for them at his blog (http://james.seng.sg), including one set to Digital Life for review last week.

One user who got a set from Mr Seng is 22-year-old Nanyang Technological University undergraduate Angela Jean.

‘I thought it was a good way to allow others to use my network, yet not be liable for any problems caused by a malicious user,’ she said.

How Fon works

FON ALLOWS BROADBAND users to split their wireless network into two – an encrypted private one for their own use, and a public one accessible to registered Fon users.

To get started, users need to get one of the company’s custom-built wireless routers, register, and plug it into their broadband modem.

It also doubles as a wireless router – and at just $46, a very cheap one, too.

Once the equipment is plugged in and the Fon software installed, the owner will be able to choose whether to allow other Fon users to use his network for free, or to charge them three euros (S$6) per day to use it. Fon will track the number of paid logins and administer the collection process, keeping half the proceeds and sending the remainder to the user. For details, visit Fon’s site at http://en.fon.com

If you let others use it for free, you will gain reciprocal access to the networks of other Fon users around the world.

Heard from MeowyΒ that the Iranian girl likesΒ ginger – or at least appears to like them; and so I set off to get some ginger snaps. Since we are from the same lab, there might be a need to PR a little sometimes. πŸ˜›Β 

So, I got some tidbits from M&S this morning while getting some Ginger Snaps for the Iranian girl to try and some for my mum. Along with that came some hints from Mum that she wanted some Royal Jelly.

Royal Jelly Cream Bath, that is.

Isn’t royal jelly meant to be eaten? Anyway, I only managed to find…. Royal Jelly with Honey, Cream Bath. And albeit some protests from my mum if she would attract ants when she sleeps, she gladly accepted it. At my expense. Oh well, it’s her birthday, isn’t it? Heh heh… Besides, bathing with this cream bath will give you sweet dreams at night. *crow flies past*

The service level at M&S Centrepoint was exemplary, but I am not sure if that attributed to the fact that I have an Ang Mo Kio name. There have been a lot of hung about how Caucasians always get better treatment. But I have to say that Caucasians are usually friendly, and they take the effect to greet you, be it if you are serving them or vice versa. I would think it’s reciprocal. Besides, when I was overseas, I picked up the habit of greeting the server (the person serving you), and this almost always guarantees you better service. Singaporeans should really try it.

But of course, there would be people who will insist that they are the customers and they shouldn’t have to greet first. But I would say “Mee Siam Mai Ham”, they should at least try to smile. It’s no wonder that we have a Smile2006 campaign. πŸ˜›

Was on my way to Mac’s when I forgot which Ezlink card I had used. Ended up using the wrong card and losing out on the 25 cents rebate. Every cent counts when you are not working earning. Not to mention the small sized ice lemon tea that costs $1.95 at Macs – something that will probably cost about 50 cents lesser at school. πŸ™